So, there are many nightmares that I have had in the past year or so, not worth posting because they are not at all symbolic of anything. There is a crack-monster, rapist abuser (we will call him Mr Half-Penny) and his misdeeds, arguments, abusive behaviors, terroristic behaviors toward others, I believe they are all things that have happened or will happen and I wonder why I must have these terrible sightings continue during what should be my restful sleep. He is the abuser who still involves himself with the woman who used to be my best friend. I see what they go through or what they will be going through. Sometimes it seems to be endless and always nightmarish. Often, my nightmares of Mr Half-Penny are seen from the eyes of someone else, a child or an old person, sometimes my friend. When she tells me they have nothing to do with each other anymore, I always know it's a lie. In fact, within the past month while we were on the phone, I busted her with her lie in the same phone call when her phone malfunctioned and she was talking to him while she thought I was on hold, but I was right there able to hear the entire conversation.
If I would have entered this dream in the morning, there would be more to it, but it was so ugly (as are all nightmares with Mr Half-Penny), I couldn't bear to continue thinking about it.
Basically, in the dream, I felt I had killed him. My father and I were living in a house together, Mr Half-Penny had come into my house and I killed him. It was necessary to do so, I remember that. But after he was dead, I did not know how to deal. I just left him there, dead on the floor.
In another room there was a huge puddle of something. I don't know if it was blood or what. I walked by that room on my way out of the house, leaving to go to work.
My father was home and I don't know why, it was almost like I just thought he would take care of everything. I took the bus to work and called him on my way. My father asked me, "Don't you think you should call the police?" I replied, "You didn't call them?" and he said "Why should I call them? You're the one who killed him." I was incredulous, "You mean the body is still just there on the floor?" (it had been hours and all I could imagine was a really bad death-stink). "Why should I clean it up?" my father asked. "You're the one who did this and you need to take responsibility."
At that point, I was imagining being arrested and having to serve time for murder, I worried about my cat, then I re-focused, realizing this couldn't really be my fault, and that worse-case-scenario, I would be in jail for just a little while and then they'd see I wasn't at fault and send me home. But did I want to return to the house where this dead body of such an ugly-spirited person had been putrefying for hours? When I got to work, I looked for the police I thought might be waiting on me. Then I woke up.
I woke up wondering if I would be killing him soon. Obviously, it wouldn't be in a house I share with my father. Or is this again another case of me seeing this happening to someone else from their perspective, except that I am putting my father in the place of someone else in their life?
This is creepy. I am relieved in a way to have a premonition of his death, considering all of the other premonitions I have had concerning him, I hate to say this, but hopefully this means we will see the end of him soon. Still, I do not enjoy at all seeing this. When I first started having visions and premonitions about him, I thought there was something I was supposed to be doing to make him stop what he is doing, but there is nothing I can do. I warned my friend who refused to listen and then all that is left to do is pray. Now, most times I believe the reason I am seeing these things is so that I will have understanding, patience and forgiveness for my friend in later times when she is ready to allow me back into her life (because he doesn't want me in her life, as it stands presently)
